I Should've Kissed You
by Lord Tubbington
Summary: Santana isn't sure what to do now that her secret might be exposed. Does she find confidence in who she really is? Or is she too afraid of what might happen to her hard earned reputation as HBIC? What should've happened after Santana smacked Finn. AU Glee
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: So this is my first ever fic. I do plan on writing a few more chapters so hopefully y'all will like it. Like the summary said, this is basically my take on what should have happened when Finn outed Santana. It's kind of a rough start, but I'm still working out kinks to how I want it to end/keep going. Don't worry, there'll be sweet lady kisses/smutty scenes later but for now, not so much. Again, hope y'all enjoy :)**

**Oh...and I don't own anything Glee even though I'd seriously love to. Please review/comment so I know how I'm doing. Thanks!**

I wasn't sure what stung worse, my hand or Finn's face. I had to guess his face; otherwise everyone wouldn't be gawking in Finn's direction. I could feel panic well up in my throat, making it hard to stand there in the auditorium. I could feel the piercing, judgmental gazes of my so-called friends and it hurt nearly as bad as my hand did. I had no idea why I had done it. Okay...I did know. But it was a reflex, a natural instinct that called for my body to go into survival mode. In my head, I was supposed to do something about people or things that tried to hurt me. _He_ had hurt me. He had spread the one thing I had tried keeping a secret. He had outed me. My panicked eyes flickered over the familiar faces of my peers and teachers. They were still in shock, the silence nearly as suffocating as the pain lumped in my throat. I couldn't stay there. I had to do what I did second best; run.

I took off, running as fast as I could down the halls of William Mckinley. Class must have just ended because there was a crazy amount of bodies flooding the hallways. I pushed my way through the crowd, ignoring glares and obscenities thrown at me. They didn't matter either. What mattered was finding a way out of there. I hesitated at my locker, unsure if I should grab my things then go or just rush out. My heart pounded in my chest, egging me to just leave. With a simple nod to myself, I rushed out the front doors of the school toward my car. I could get in major trouble for this, but like with everything else, I didn't care. I was just thankful I had learned a thing or two from my over friendly aunt and had stuffed my keys masterfully inside my bra. I pulled them out, ignoring the slight pain from the grooves of the key scraping across my skin. That didn't matter either. It had become my mantra. _It didn't matter_. School. Cheerios. Glee. Finn Hudson...especially Finn Hudson. Cuts or bruises. It just didn't matter. Frantically, I fumbled with putting my keys into the ignition, letting out a frustrated whimper when it took way longer than I had wanted to turn my car on. I hadn't even bothered waiting for my car to warm up. I had already backed out, shoved the car into drive and took off toward my one safe haven, my Abuela's.

It didn't take me too long to speed through the rundown and somehow welcoming rows of houses in Lima Heights Adjacent. I had grown up there. The place had an awful reputation but that's what had helped me keep such a tough skin up until this point. Lima Heights had prepared me for every kind of insult and jab made at me except this. No one taught you how to deal when your biggest secret was leaked for the world- or rather your entire town to find out. I pulled up along the curb of my grandmother's home, slamming the door shut as I rushed through the door. Once inside, I closed the door a bit harder than I needed to only to press my back up against the wooden face. My heart was going into overdrive and I was surprised to not find myself huddled up in a fetal position wishing for my heart to slow down. My chest ached a little as I took a few moments to myself. Hindsight was always 20/20. I should've stayed at school, defended my reasoning behind the slap. Mr. Shue could probably put two and two together but still. If I wasn't there to defend myself, who would? Brittany couldn't. Despite the two of us being as close as friends as possible, I hadn't dared reveal my fear to her. What would Brittany think of me, knowing that I was afraid of something as little as people knowing I loved her? It wasn't really that small of an issue but I knew that in Britt's eyes, being a girl who loved another girl wasn't a big deal. What Brittany didn't understand was that we lived in Ohio, practically the capitol for conservative Republicans aka the Hellmouth of gay bashers. If the torment Kurt suffered through wasn't enough, I could only imagine what they'd do to me. My HBIC status would deteriorate to nothing, I'd be slushied, made fun of, but even worse, I'd become a nothing. I'd just be that sinful girl who chose to be lesbian to spite everyone. Of course, that wasn't the case at all. I just knew from experience that that's how the Lima residents were. They judged anyone that was different or against their "moral standards." Hell, the wrong haircut got you tagged as a drug dealer. That has to say something about the community. It didn't matter now though. I'd have to figure out how to make this whole lesbian thing blow over. I wouldn't allow it to affect me anymore.

With my mind somewhat determined, I finally wandered through my Abuela's home, smiling almost immediately when I found her preparing dinner for the night. "Hola Abuela..." My greeting was hardly over a whisper but she heard me loud and clear. I received that concerned and curious look from my grandmother but all I could do was smile gently. I went over to Abuela, leaned in and gave her a gentle peck on the cheek. "It's nothing...i promise." Again, I whispered. I guess I was too scared that my voice would crack and would reveal my pain. Abuela gave one last look at me, and I knew that she knew I was hurt. But just as I had hoped, she turned back to preparing her dinner, absentmindedly humming some old tune. This was one of the many reasons I adored Abuela. She knew when to be persistent and when to just leave matters alone. Sighing under my breath, I ran my hands through my thick hair, deciding it'd be best to just go to bed and not have to worry about anyone else but myself. I sat at the table, closing my eyes, and losing myself to the melody filling the room. I was starting to nod off, the song lulling me into a sleep I hadn't been sure I'd ever be able to surrender to.

It seemed like hardly moments had passed since I had closed my eyes when gentle fingers through my hair were awakening me. My eyes fluttered open, expecting the concerned aged face of my grandmother to be staring at me, not the animated blue stare of my best friend. "B...Brittany." My voice was harsh, destroying the thought that I had only dozed for a few minutes. My hair was lifted out of my face with careful fingers, the hair being tucked behind my ear. "What are you doing here" I lifted myself up, suddenly confused. How was I lying down? I could've sworn I had been sitting in my grandmother's kitchen. "Where am I?..." My questions were still hoarse and confusion kept my eyebrows knitted together.

Brittany smiled sweetly, brushing the back of her hand across my cheek. I couldn't help but relax slightly. "Your Abuela let me in... And I was worried. You didn't call or text me back..." She held up my phone, showing me how many missed calls and texts I had received. "Why'd you go running off?.. Everyone's worried sick."

The concern in Brittany's voice made me feel terrible. She probably thought I hated her or something. I shrugged up a shoulder. "I just… I didn't want to wait for whatever bullshit Schuester was going to dish out." That wasn't a total lie. Mr. Schue constantly took Finn's side ...maybe it was because he was slower than a turtle when it came to breathing. I let out a soft sigh, lying back down on my bed. "What do you mean everyone's worried sick? It's not like I got slapped... they should be worried about Finn and his jaw." I huffed softly, lowering my gaze to my fingernails. My nails were short again only because I'd been so stressed, I had picked up the bad habit of biting them again. Brittany continued running her hand through my hair, not saying anything. I was getting a bit uncomfortable, which never happened around her. I looked over at my best friend and I couldn't help but frown.

"You just left without saying a word. Finn told me what happened... said that I needed to find you…" Her eyebrows knitted together. "As if I'd just let you leave…"

I couldn't stop the smile from coming to my lips. Britt was just cute even when she was being serious. I reached over, grabbing her hand in mine, tugging her onto the bed. "Don't uh…don't worry about me, okay B? Just come lay down…" I scooted over, giving her room. I felt bad for not just confiding in her like I normally did. I just couldn't risk everything we had over a fear of mine. And there was absolutely no way Finn told Brittany everything. He could hardly tell that hobbit girlfriend of his the truth so why in the hell would he have given Brittany the courtesy? I just wanted this day to be over with. I gave Britt one last weak smile before turning over, resting my back against her chest. She was warm and smelled of that coconut shampoo I told her I liked. It wasn't long before Britt snuggled up against me, her arm wrapped around my waist protectively. She nuzzled her nose into the back of my neck and I felt my shoulders drop as I settled into the familiar warmth.

"I'll fix everything, San. Please, don't worry."

My heart wrenched in pain. Britt obviously thought I had passed out and couldn't hear her. She wanted to fix this…fix my pain. This was meant to be the other way around. _I _was supposed to be the strong one, not Britt. I just stared at the wall, my eyes traveling the crayon drawings left there from years ago. I continued lying still, allowing Britt's rhythmic breathing becoming the new music I fell asleep to. I just needed my worries to go away for the night. Maybe…just maybe I'd let Brittany take care of it like she wanted to.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

**Author's Note: Thanks again for everyone who put this on their alert/favorited it! I'm really happy there are people actually out there that like this lol So uh...this next chapter, I'll admit is dragging things out a bit but I'm still figuring out exactly how I want this to go and I also think it's really important to see how hesitant Santana is about letting Brittany know the truth behind the slap.**

**Of course, I don't own anything Glee even though I'd love to. and there's also mention/will continue to be a mention of an eating disorder because I don't think enough stories play on the fact that Santana has been pointed out to not eat as much as everyone else. Please review to let me know how I'm doing/if you think I suck/if there's anything you'd like to see incorporated in the story. Enjoy!**

I woke up to the sound of loud knocking. I groaned softly, pressing my back into the warmth surrounding me. The arm draped around my waist tugged me even closer, creating a smile on my lips. For a few seconds, I completely forgot where I was and whose home I was in. My moment of serenity was shattered when I heard the doorknob turning and my abuela's voice cutting through the silence, "Nieta?" I tore away from Brittany, knowing I'd have to apologize later. I ran my hands through my hair before getting up and tugging down my shirt. I had a tight smile on my lips when my grandmother finally walked in.

"Nieta, it's nearly eight…I think you should take your amiga home soon." She gave me a stern look; the one that told me that was an order, not an option. She suddenly tilted her head, eyes narrowing at me before leaving.

My heart had never beaten so fast. Abuela had never been fond of my closeness to Brittany. I could only imagine what she would've said had she caught me in Brittany's arms. I let out a sigh, turning toward my best friend, frowning as I noticed her knitted brow and pout. I touched her shoulder lightly, my face continuing to fall as Britt shrugged out of my touch. "B…I didn't mean it. You know how Abuela is…" I couldn't help but plead to her. I needed her. I guess I sounded desperate enough because she rolled over, extending her pinky out for me to take. I gave her a small smile before linking her pinky with mine. "Look, I'm sorry… I sh-"

"It's okay, San. I just forgot…come here." She tugged on my pinky, making me step closer towards her. "Let's go home. I need to make sure Lord Tubbington doesn't find where I hid his pack of cigarettes, anyways." She smiled, the smile becoming infectious and causing my lips to mimic hers.

"Sounds good…" I replied softly, letting go of her pinky to straighten the sheets on the bed. The last thing I needed was Abuela calling me later and fussing about her sheets. I smoothed the duvet down, sighing softly to myself as my mind once again returned to its usually busy self. I ran my fingertips along the stitching of the duvet worry clouding my mind. I had twelve hours to figure out what the hell I was going to do about school. I could stay home and be deemed a coward, which I'm not. Anyone from Lima Heights Adjacent could vouch for that…but I wasn't sure how many strikes I had left before I was expelled. I shook my head slowly, my eyebrows furrowing closer together as I continued contemplating my options. I was the HBIC of that school and I needed to show Finn that he hadn't scared me. But he had and I was still terrified. What if he gave an actual explanation to the Glee club? Then what? I'd be known only as "that lesbian cheerleader" and would probably be shoved into dumpsters the way Kurt had been. No. No way would I let that happen.

I must've whimpered from my serious thoughts because I suddenly felt two arms encircle my waist from behind, a forehead pressed between my shoulder blades and gentle kisses being peppered against my uniform.

"Is everything okay, San? You look like something's bothering you."

"Everything's great, B…I promise." I hated lying to Brittany especially about something so serious. I couldn't let what happened yesterday happen again. I can't lean on Brittany when she should be leaning on me. I don't need her as much as she should need me…right? I have to be the tough one. I pat her clasped hands lightly to signal to her that she could let go. "C'mon."

It wasn't long before we were both parked in the Pierce's driveway, another sigh leaving my lips at the sight of the house. The Pierces would never be bothered by something so trivial as their daughter's sexuality. I was pretty sure Diane knew exactly what Britt and I did in her room yet she smiled and greeted me as if I were her daughter every time. It confused me. Why did it not matter to them that I was getting it on with their daughter yet my Abuela couldn't even fathom the thought of the two of us holding hands longer than necessary? I guess I'd have to figure that out later.

I got out of my car, locking it behind me as I linked pinkies with Britt and allowed her to once again lead me to where she wanted to go. As always, we ended up in her bedroom. I sat cross-legged on her bed while she scolded her obnoxiously fat cat, Lord Tubbington.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Smoking is bad! Do you hear me? _Bad!_" Brittany shook her finger at the cat that seemed to just take the information in without any fucks given. "Your voice is way past the sexy tone San has from the cigars… so stop." She gave the feline a pout that would melt hearts yet Lord Tubbington just blinked at her before trudging off to the kitchen, I would assume.

I waved my best friend over to the bed. "Don't worry about it. I'll hide his cigarettes next time, okay?" That seemed to put Britt at ease as she shuffled over to the bed, flopping on top of the covers beside me. My hand instinctively tangled itself into her blonde hair, smiling down at her. "Think it's alright if I stay the night?" It was a stupid question. Of course, it was all right. I had been staying at the Pierce's house about six times a week since I was about six.

The question made Brittany giggle before she nodded quickly. "Does this mean I get my sweet lady kisses?" She shifted to sit up, my hand still in her hair while her hand rested on my thigh.

"Whatever you want, B." I forced a smile that I hoped was convincing. Don't get me wrong. I love getting my macks on with Britt, but I was still nervous and jittery about school tomorrow.

At my submission, she leaned over, capturing my lips in a gentle kiss but it was obvious I wasn't really into it. Hurt crossed her beautiful features as she pulled away. "Is what Finn said really bothering you? He said it wasn't a big deal and you took it the wrong way…" She kept her eyes on me. I could tell in the swirl of bright blue that there was still hurt and confusion.

Hell, I was confused myself. How could I possibly have taken Finn's words the wrong way? I shook my head, standing up while tugging on my Cheerios top. "I didn't take his words the wrong way… he's just being a jackass and can't admit it. All he knows how to do is lie." I pulled harder on my top until it finally gave way and flew off my body. I threw it in the corner before doing the exact same thing with my skirt. I could feel Brittany's eyes on me as I undressed and up until now, I had never been embarrassed while doing this. I kept my head down and my back to her as I rifled through the two drawers that were specifically mine and pulled on a loose t-shirt and some boy shorts. My dark eyes flickered to meet Brittany's clear blue ones. "…Aren't you going to change?"

She nodded as she pushed herself off the bed; going to the exact same drawer I had open and pulled out a few things. Though it was my drawer, Britt always wore stuff out of it. I could tell she was upset with me again. I honestly just couldn't do anything right today. Without another word, I went back to her bed, crawling underneath the soft covers and stared at the ceiling. I didn't know what to say to her. I wanted to tell her how Finn accused her of not loving me back and how afraid I was that he spoke the truth. I wanted to scream and shout how Finn's incompetent self-being had all but shouted my personal secret…how madly in love with you I am. I also wanted to hold you tightly to my chest and beg for forgiveness that I didn't deserve. Thanks to my overwhelming sense of pride, I chose to just lie there. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn't even notice the lights had been switched off and Brittany was lying beside me.

We didn't speak for some time. Seconds felt like hours and I swore Brittany had fallen asleep despite hoping I'd talk in the security of the dark. I shut my eyes, placing my faith that sleep would overtake my mind but it didn't. I sighed loudly, staring into total darkness.

"Do you want a snack? Mom used to make me a snack and make me drink warm milk to get me to bed." Britt's voice is soft and hesitant and I can't help but frown knowing I had made her feel that way.

I shook my head, forgetting she couldn't see my actions. "No...it's okay. I had a heavy lunch." Another lie. Lunch was pretty nonexistent in my day-to-day life. You didn't need lunch when you were head cheerleader. I only lived on Sylvester's disgusting concoction of a drink. Any more than that and my stomach was doing somersaults. I was just lucky that no one ever probed me about the issue. There were jokes, of course, but never serious enough to actually just ask what I ate every day. Anyways, eating was a sign of insecurity. If I had to eat to feel better, I was weak and Lopezes were not weak. …But I was weak enough to say; "You want to ditch school with me tomorrow?"

I couldn't tell by the silence what Brittany was deciding to do. "I guess so… but why do you want to ditch? We already ditched this month."

I'll admit, it amazed me that she even remembered that seeing as she could hardly remembered what we had for lunch earlier. I shrugged up a shoulder. "Yeah, I know but…I want to take you out. Like a date…but not."

An excited yip left my best friend as she nodded enthusiastically in the dark and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist. "I'd love to go on a date …but not date with you, San. Can you tell me where the date…not date is?"

I smiled, snuggling myself into her hold. "Of course not. If I tell you, it'll ruin everything. Just wait until tomorrow and you'll see."

She nodded again, tugging me down her frame until my chin rested on her shoulder. Her arms stayed wrapped securely around me , a smile plastered on her face. "I'm so excited now! I hope we go feed the ducks…it's been a while since we saw Mr. Du-"

I can't resist the gentle chuckle as Brittany falls asleep at the end of her thought. I really hadn't planned anything; I just wanted to have someone to spend time with while I dodged school and Finn. I finally let myself snuggle up against Britt, my arms nestled around her waist while my face found the crook of her neck. I gave her a light kiss on her skin, getting a response almost immediately with a tightening of her grip. "Good night, B…" I whispered before lying there, tangled in Brittany's arms as I stared sadly at the clock. In the next twelve hours, I needed to figure out what exactly this 'not date' would consist of and how much of it would contain more lies.


End file.
